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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

It's About that Time

Today's all about the kids at our place. The Godchildren will be here late this afternoon for various costume tweaking prior to the big walk around Questa Verde. We're lucky to live in a massive neighborhood with tons of houses right next to each other. The candy haul is spectacular. Those little pumpkin buckets don't cut it around here. It's back to pillowcases, and diabetes. Yay!

Now if you're having trouble coming up with a title, maybe I can help. Check out my post at the League.



HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Catching Up With...

Haven't been around much, but I have a reason. Chaz, our 12-year old yorkie, stopped eating on Friday--never a good sign. He slept all weekend and I took him into the doc yesterday morning. It's NOT the big C, although the vet did bounce that around as a possibility. It's some kind of gastric infection and he was dehydrated. They filled him up with subcutaneous fluids until he looked like a hunchback, then he slept some more. This morning? He's like a brand new dog, only grouchy. He's eating, drinking his water, still sleeping. He's twelve and purebred so that part is expected.

Today, after I finish up the chapter I'm working on, I'm heading down to Borders and Half-Price Books to pick up Jeaniene Frost's Halfway to the Grave and John Levitt's Dog Days, and look for the expanded edition of The World is Flat over at the used store. Would someone mind telling me how it's fair to sell a book twice. I know this book is sitting upstairs in the bookcase, but Caroline's professor wants them to read the "expanded" edition. I think I'll ask Kensington about releasing an "expanded" Happy Hour in 2009.

We're doing The Trouble with Titles over at the League, so you know you want to check that out.

The gang is going to see Laurell K. minus Richelle who is hunting for a Bill Clinton photo op. I must confess, I haven't read LKH since Guilty Pleasures, so I'll have to fake it when I meet her (joking). Anyone else planning to go see Ms. Hamilton at the UW Bookstore signing on Thursday?

I'm getting excited about next week (I'm going to New York to meet up with my editor, agent and all the good folks at Kensington). I haven't been to the city since we lived upstate--I think I was four? My hotel is near MOMA, so I'm all over that. Not sure what else I'll do, other than kick around the park and go to the the Met. Try to meet up with a few people.

Anyway...

That's where I'm at. Back to personal shopping with Beth Liebowitz, voodoo priestess.

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Fog: My Favorite Horror Movie That's NOT About Zombies (per se)

What is it about John Carpenter's THE FOG that has me enslaved so? Year after year I drag this movie out and watch. Recently (within the last couple of years), we upgraded to the widescreen DVD after our tired VHS tape started to ripple. It was like a whole new world. I hate pan and scan but when we bought the video, full screen was the only option.

So what is the allure?

First, I imagine it's a combination of the ghost story element--I'm a sucker for the John Houseman retelling of the ship that goes down in the rocks off Spivey Point--and the historical small town with secrets piece. DEAD AND BURIED had this feeling, THE STEPFORD WIVES, too, to an extent. Further back we've got Shirley Jackson's THE LOTTERY and, of course, King's SALEM'S LOT.

You've got this cast with great chemistry--they play it a bit over the top, but this is horror and you expect it, crave it--Adrienne Barbeau has never done better work, before or since. Jamie Lee Curtis is there simply for the scream, otherwise, it's all Barbeau!

Of course, there is something innately creepy about fog. Who hasn't had the experience of seeing something in a particularly dense bank? I remember driving home from a friend's--this was during high school--and the fog was so thick I thought someone had run across the road in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and swerved. Rolled down the window. No one was there. Creepy.

Plus, you've got this multiple narrative going on that pulls together at the end, tight as piano wire. And the scenes. Jesus! The lighthouse is classic horror no matter how you slice it.

Turn off the lights, let's watch the trailer.



Oh shit, did I mentiont the pirate ghosts? It's got the PIRATE GHOSTS!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Book Review: Halfway to the Grave by Jeaniene Frost



One of the first authors to "reach out" to this fumbling scribe through miles and miles of internet was paranormal romancer, Jeaniene Frost. She single handedly opened up a whole new world of distractions by inviting me into the Fangs, Fur and Fey fold (what? Too many F-words? Hang on). So, you can imagine, I was itching to get ahold of her debut novel, Halfway to the Grave.

Let's open it, shall we?

Cat Crawford, Frost's heroine, is a half-vampire with an itchy trigger finger (or knife throwing response) and a mouthful of saucy barbs. She's made it her life's work to rid the world of the bloodsucking vermin of the sort that raped her mother. Vermin like Bones, a vampire mercenary. He of the rapacious good looks and strong jaw--the better to bite you with, my dear. When the two are forced to team up to fight a crew of vamps, the brimstone flies, and so do the panties.

To say that Frost's novel is sexy is an understatement, but it's also a fantastic urban fantasy with hyperviolent action sequences that'll have you flippin' through the pages like you just found your parent's file on your secret adoption.

Halfway to the Grave may be the first Paranormal Romance I've intentionally read, but it won't be the last; I'll be looking forward to Frost's sequel, One Foot in the Grave. The book is in stores on Tuesday, so get going and make it count. You've got six days.

Next Book:Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me? by Jen Lancaster

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Links of Love (Donations Accepted)

We're having a paranormal wedding nightmare over at the League of Reluctant Adults. Stacia Kane got the ball rolling on this progressive story, yesterday, and following a series of technical mishaps, my section is up now. Go check it out.

I've also posted my query letter at Fangs, Fur and Fey, as part of the week long Querython. I'm up first, with my bully-your-way-into-an-agent's-heart letter.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Cookbook Review: Cooking Your Way to Romance by Carl Wendtland

Sonya Sipes of Cat's Curious Press sent me this book to peruse and test out. Though, I'm probably not the target audience, since I'm a bit of a foodie and subscribe to Saveur, Gourmet, and Food and Wine. But I gave it a shot, and turns out, it's pretty cute.

Here goes, all professional-like.

In his own light-hearted style, COOKING YOUR WAY TO ROMANCE author, Carl Wendtland has whipped up a how-to guide for the man who's unlucky in love and loaf pans. While not breaking any new ground in the food-is-love theory, the cookbook does offer easy menus, recipes and instruction for guys whose culinary experience consists of microwaving tomato soup and dumping Chinese takeout onto plates. Combining personal anecdotes with humorous cartoons, this manual will have the ladies salivating for more than just beefcake.

More Than the Sum of Its Parts

While I was putting together yesterday's zombie blog (which failed to mention that this weekend was full of zombiness of the film variety, as well), the Fed Ex lady rang the doorbell and delivered one of those exciting puffy envelopes from Kensington.

Without all the fanfare this time--because I'm too lazy to take pictures and a little down that my sweetheart is off to Arizona for a conference that involves numbers--inside were the page proofs for HAPPY HOUR OF THE DAMNED. It's a beautiful thing. Nice font. I'm lovin' the footnotes now more than ever, and only slightly dissapointed that the textboxes weren't gothed out. Ah well.

So you know, I'll be reading that through again.

The League of Reluctant Adults is doing a progressive story, paranormal, of course, and wedding related as an homage to Anton Strout, our honeymooning member (or maybe in honor of his honeymooning member). Anyway, check it out.

And since this post doesn't seem to have any binding theme, here's a stray Grindhouse trailers that I found on the side of the road. Totally NSFW!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Zombies to Aisle 9...Clean Up!

So...it came to pass on that 21st day of October, in our year of the lord, 2007, that the dead rose to their feet and dined on the flesh of the living, washed it down with Starbucks and shopped for organic produce and cute handbags. There I was, roaming Fremont and resisting the allure of fresh-baked carbohydrates, when a low grumbling rolled in from the east. An odd slobbering sound befitting only those least sentient of creatures, zombies.

Then they crested the hill...(I happened to have a camera*)...



Fresh from a wedding reception, apparently.

Some frightened bystanders managed to get to their car and attempt an escape. Unfortunately, as they are wont to do, zombies mobbed the vehicle, broke into the passenger window and dragged the helpless people to a nearby picnic table where reunion-style consumption ensued (side dishes were conspicuosly absent, as were ants, though seasonably understandable). And, yes, before you ask, maggots were in attendance.


As luck would have it, camera flashes stunned the living dead allowing me to bring you this close-up of the ghoulish nuptial officiant. A thoughtful priest, even in death, Father Death carried sticks of incense to cover his less than pleasant aroma.

Before long the hoarde of about 150 corpses swarmed the Fremont shopping core, stopping to browse the gorgeous produce at the PCC Natural Market. Little known fact, zombies are drawn to organic produce for it's color and odor, rather than anti-oxidant value, plus shopping is an innate human factor.

Here they are proving the fact, in this stylized yet scenic shot...


From there the undead shambled through the Fremont Sunday Market, browsing and snacking on the assortment of sweetbreads. It was an all you can eat zombie buffet, and good times were had by all!



*Camera-toting writers do not imply agenda!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

For the Next Three Days...

Wednesday: Query Letters over here...


Thursday: Playing blog hookie.

Friday: My Very First Guest Blogging Appearance at Dionne Galace's It's Not Chick Porn.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

More with the Linking?

First thing. A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend Dianna Rodgers! Her Thinking Error Tuesday's are a must read for writers, aspiring and published alike.

Now...

Gather round boys and ghouls, it's harvest time. There are pumpkins to be carved, candy to snatch, and graves to be unsettled. This month more than any other, don't you wish you were reading something spooky? Something that'll crawl under your skin and stay there? Well, I've got good news, Eat the Dark isn't just a Hershey slogan, it's a damn fine horror read and it's available now! Pick them shits up! And do it this week.*

Then head on over to The League of Reluctant Adults, where Stacia Kane is laying it all out for you on query letters. Got a manuscript ready to show off? Better have a decent query or you'll be shit outta luck.

I'm also deeply greatful to Tez Miller for allowing me the opportunity to interview, she's got that up in all sorts of places. Namely here, here, and here. And for Christ sake quit being so stingy with the commentary. Show some love for the Aussie!

I think that's it for now.

*FYI: a book's first week may be the most important (it certainly is for getting on best lists, reorders, etc), so support your favorites by buying their book the day it comes out, or at least within a few days.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Interviewed

I've done an interview for aussie writer Tez Miller which is up over here, here, and here. Man is she thorough! There's more info about me than you ever needed to know, so proceed with extreme caution.

We even got to talking about Australian TV shows, which forces me to tell you about my secret addiction to Summer Heights High. You really have to download it here. I'm serious. Do it.

Playing Catch Up...in Hell

What's it been, like 4 days since I've blogged? It's like abandonment. I'll report myself to the proper authorities once I've brought you all up to speed.

Friday was an awesome writing day. Funny stuff leading into over the top action sequence--my favorite combo, next to lull the reader-lull the reader-SCARE! Anyhow, I'm super happy with that chapter and continued to make progress throughout the weekend.

Saturday, we went to see Elizabeth: The Golden Age, which despite starring the always amazing Cate Blanchett seemed like so much rehash. Probably because of the Helen Mirren HBO miniseries, that I totally dug. Regardless, good times and shopping surrounded. I got a new frying pan, which is totally uninteresting compared to my new iTouch. F*ck yeah! I've been playing with it ever since. Damn thing has me locked down like Sybil Danning in Reform School Girls, except for the whole penis thing, which really throws off the simile. Damn!

Sunday got weird. It started off normal enough. Caroline brought work home, so I took her to my favorite writing spot/coffee house and we both wrote. While there we got back to back invites, first to dinner at a friends, and second to drinks in Seattle with some local writers and an east coast celebrity scribe (how's that Tiffany?). Dinner with friends included the most garlic ever introduced to a caesar salad. By the time we were ready to leave for Seattle, the fumes were rank and hung around like a cloud. Embarassing? Possibly. Uncomfortable? Nah. After all, it's really the others who'd suffer, we couldn't smell it, soooo....

We parked at a garage (pay attention to that piece, it plays a big part later) near said author's hotel, met up with the rest of the glitterati to stalk the city streets and seek out libation and conversation in the fields of the lord (Gameworks). I haven't been to the place since it opened, and it's a cavern, but on a Sunday, tragically devoid of objects of ridicule. Tiffany is an awesome gal, and her book, In the Serpent's Coils (Hallowmere) needs to be on your bookcase whether or not you're literate. Don't be ashamed, just check it, bitches. Oops--it's YA--I mean: CIO SSOB!

It's after leaving the group that things got harried. The doors where we expected to go back into the parking garage were closed for the evening, directing up another two streets through the bowels of the convention center tunnel. Before you ask, yes, there were angry youths in our path, but they were only mildly threatening so we trudged on. At the top of the steepest hill that could be arranged, we entered a completely different parking garage, where we were directed by the attendant to attempt a quest through the bowels of hell itself to get back to our car. It took us 45 minutes, climbing over barriers, roaming through two different building lobbies, riding two sets of escalators, and two elevators. When we finally got to the car, the attendant was running down the ramp and told us we'd have to wait for him to get back. A woman was standing by the kiosk yelling into her phone that she was going to call the cops. What the f*ck! Seems she lost her car and the attendant went to go find it. Crazy.

Anyway, eventful weekend. Now I've got to go write something I can get paid for. Outtie!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Horror Movie Double Feature: The Other J.C.

Downtown Tacoma, Washington is changing, like many of our older mid-size cities. The insurgence of loft-dwelling urbanites is turning my downtrodden, meth-laden, crime driven ghetto, into a--gag--pleasant place to live. Now, where's the fun in that? The martini bars, condos, and spas are replacing the hookers, drug dealers and gangs of homeless schizophrenics. Covention centers and hotels have replaced abandoned buildings and abusive nursing homes.

It's all very disheartening.

Even that pantheon of dollar horror movies, The Rialto, has been converted into a meeting facility. I take solace in the image of suits trudging through that dump, dirtying their cuffs, sidestepping hypodermic needles, gagging at the shit-smeared restrooms.

The last time I was there, I saw John Carpenter's electro-anti-christ flick, Prince of Darkness. I think I told you all about the horror that was the Parkland theater, well The Rialto made the Parkland look like the McDonald's playland. The scariest part of the place was the exit. But let's watch the clip before we go there.



This movie haunts me. The recurring scene of the shrouded figure emerging from the doorway even found a home in my nightmares. That's a pretty good indicator of a director's ability. John Carpenter knows how to scare, and in this lesser classic he utilizes a big vat of swirling green goo, and makes you believe that's the Devil. Awesome.

Afterward. The exit was by the screen. It fed out into a cave-like urine stain of a hallway that was permanently dark, and often occupied by homeless people that may or may not have been alive. At the end of this hall was a broken door busted apart in spots to let in the light, and crackheads. If my parents knew that I'd traverse this kind of obstacle for entertainment, they'd never have let me out of the house.

What these memories have to do with horror movies, I don't know. Why are you reading this self indulgent bullshit?

I saw In the Mouth of Madness, in a far less threatening venue. In Federal Way, a city that is all strip mall and no city. Though the film, Carpenter's homage to H.P. Lovecraft, was still disturbing despite cushy surroundings. Check it...



It's hard to pinpoint why this film is so scary, is it the transformations that occur to the human bodies, or that Progerian kid on the bike, or is it that final scene in the mental hospital? God, I need to see it again.

Thoughts?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Release the Amazon!

It happened on Monday night. I was minding my own business, doing my weekly--oh, who am I kidding--daily check of Amazon.com to see if my pre-order was up, when it happened. It was there.

Happy Hour on the Damned.

You read that right, ON the Damned. Huh? Yes, folks. If anyone was going to get a misspelling it was this guy. It's fixed now, two days and three emails later.

Here's a fun bit of trivia. What happens when you search for Happy Hour of the Damned on Amazon? I'll let you tell me.
(here's a hint: Damn you, Anton!)

So click on the Amazon below and have fun. Tag, list, discuss - ahem - preorder, whatever.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

In Lieu Of Any Actual Content...

I bring you this educational filmstrip.



I think I love the Mr. T and Bea Arthur spermheads the most.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Halloween Blew Chunks!

Through the magic of the Target seasonal department, our home has been officially transformed into Halloweenland. Take the mantle, for instance, I couldn't shove anymore up there if I had a vat of KY and rubber gloves. And before you say anything, I just don't want to.


Halloween's become as big as Christmas around the Henry household. Next year we'll spray paint the old fake tree brown and trim it with skeletons, brains, and ropes of dried sausage casing (well maybe not that last bit). It started with some hard times a while back--it's funny how that works--but coming out the other side we wanted to do something special and Halloween was the next holiday. Plus, we're crafty.

The hard part--as all you Christmas fanatics know--is opening up the boxes of decorations and locating the inevitable packing casualty. This year, ours was the big crow; its beak bit it. Poor thing is barely hanging on.

Moment of silence.

The decorations are just part of the tradition. Next Saturday, we'll be hitting the local pumpkin farm with the God-daughters and doing the whole corn maze/hay ride/pick through dirty pumpkin-thing. Followed inexplicably by Chili and Cornbread (don't ask).

Then comes the Thirteen Nights of Halloween, which we've been observing long before ABC Family stole that shit. Readers know we're horror movie junkies and this year's list may be the best ever. Check it...

10/19 - Fulci Friday - The House by the Cemetery, The Black Cat (if I can get a hold of it).
10/20 - 28 Days Later/28 Weeks Later Double Feature, for some fast zombie action!
10/21 - 30 Days of Night (how can we not?)
10/22 - Prince of Darkness (JC's creepy techno apocalypse flick. Just got to).
10/23 - The Shining ('nuff said).
10/24 - Night of the Living Dead (my wife will be at a conference, but I'll be thinking about Barbara).
10/25 - Terror Train/Prom Night (it's all about Jamie Lee, man).
10/26 - The Thing (paranoia, ice, terror, everything I'm hoping for 30 Days of Night)
10/27 - The Argentothon - Suspiria, Tenebrae, Profundo Rosso (If the visuals don't get you, the music will drive you completely insane).
10/28 - In the Mouth of Madness/Reanimator (nothing says Halloween quite like Lovecraft).
10/29 - Dawn of the Dead (because we'll all be at the mall soon enough).
10/30 - The Fog (Jesus, there's a lot of Carpenter on this list).
10/31 - John Carpenter's Halloween, every year, people. Every year.

So that's the that.

What are your Halloween traditions?

Friday, October 05, 2007

Musical Interlude

My newfound last.fm addiction has me looking back, again. Does anyone remember this song from Buffy? (30 point question, at least)



Can someone tell me why I must shoegaze on a Friday afternoon?



I think it's my sweet tooth.



There's no music on my radio.



Had enough?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Speculative TV Overload?

It's impossible not to notice the avalanche of sci-fi/paranormal shows this season. Every time you turn on the TV you've got one at the ready, be it Journeyman, Reaper, Pushing Daisies, Bionic Woman, or Moonlight--and those are just the new ones. Try to keep up with the returning shows like Blood Ties, Medium, Heroes, Smallville, Supernatural and The Ghost Whisperer (I can't believe I even typed that last one). Anyway, it's hard to keep up. It'll be even harder come mid-season, when we have to mix in New Amsterdam, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Heroes: Origins, and True Blood. It seems these days, with TIVO and DVR and Online episodes, you needn't watch a show that doesn't involve a mythical creature, robotics, or superhero-type powers.

There's really just no excuse for not being a couch potato.

So, I watch and watch and watch. Every year, I like to pick my top three new shows. My favorites. Despite knowing that these will inevitably crash and burn and be cancelled prior to any real climax or resolution. It's happened before *cough-Dead Like Me-cough*, and it'll happen again. Take, for instance, The Great Spec Crash of 2005, I'm talkin' about the Surface, Invasion, Threshold debacle. Those were my three and I loved them. How did you like last week's episode? Oh...not on? That's right. I'm the grim reaper of the fall season and here are my picks...

3. Bionic Woman

This one makes the list simply for Katee Sackhoff. I love her. In fact, I wish she was the lead character and that they'd taken the remake the way of Battlestar Galactica into darker territory. Does anyone have to stop themselves from doing the tch-tch-tch-tch sound during stunts? Could be just me, never mind. Anyway, I'm giving this one a weekly shot, it's kicking Moonlight off my Tivo. That said, it's probably a goner.


2. Reaper

Oh, how I love this show. The actor that plays the devil, who I totally can't remember his name (he killed Laura Palmer, though), is so funny, I'd hunt escaped demons for him without a contract. The main guy and his sidekick are likeable and the dialogue is clearly Kevin Smith. You can't not watch it. It's impossible.

1. Pushing Daisies


Just watched this last night, and really Pushing Daisies prompted this post. If you didn't catch it, think a young Kevin Spacey as a necromancer in love, making his way through a fantastic world that is both Seussical and Jeunetian (coined!). The show was awesome. I think my mouth was hanging open through half of it. The characters are bizarre yet engaging and the whole thing is as vivid as an absinthe buzz. I could watch this, a lot.

Oh God...They're doomed.

Please let me be wrong. Please.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Who's the Big Wiener? Plus More Peeves!

My weekly post is up at The League of Reluctant Adults, and since it's not good at all. I beefed it up with WIENERS, WIENERS and more WIENERS Also, flip flops, skateboarders from hell, and dog poo. Did I mention: WIENERS?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

This Is How Crazy I Am...

...and how cheap. Do you see that bookcase down there?


Gorgeous, perfectly sized, window pane-doored. It's the Faulkner Library Cabinet from Crate and Barrel. Came this morning, so you know I've spent a good portion of my writing day loading and organizing books, as well as merchandising various chotckes. It's literary so it counts as work, and I don't want to hear otherwise.

So...here's the crazy.

Do you know how long I've wanted this damn thing? Twelve freakin' years, at least. But I refused to spend a grand on it. How is it sitting in our family room, you ask? Weh-heh-hell, got it on sale my friends, $200 dollars off. And I waited for that somebitch to go down all that time.

Disturbing?

I think not. Practical? Absolutely.

We Henry's are a stubborn bunch and love a good bargain. We also know what we like. I mean would you go down to the orphanage and buy just any old kid? No way. You'd have to try 'em out. See if they were cool to hang around. That's what I did, through twice yearly visits.

Welcome Faulkner. I hope you feel right at home.

ps. If you recall the garage sale of 2007 post, where we rashly sold off our living room furniture. That couch, sectional actually, is the replacement (the only purchase we made off the book check).

Do you ever feel like I tell you too much?

Hmm.

Book Review: Case Histories by Kate Atkinson



Jackson Brodie is one very busy private detective. The main character in Kate Atkinson's Case Histories is overrun with cases involving missing girls, all the more problematic as his own daughter is moving away with his cheating ex-wife.

The book is a tricky one to access, but well worth the effort. The cases themselves take over the narrative rather than standard detection. Histories does not fit the typical mystery mold. That said, Atkinson pulls off some of the most beautifully written passages I've read. She wraps her words around the chapters with such skill, I'm reminded of an ouroborous, the mythic snake eating itself from the tale *ahem* tail.

The cases are full of child murder, crimes of passion, and despair. Cold cases all, they highlight the damage a family endures in the loss of a child.

Good stuff.

I understand that some of the same characters show up in One Good Turn.

Next Book: Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me? by Jen Lancaster

Monday, October 01, 2007

It Was a Night. Stormy. Dark.

The power went off last night at 7:00.

I should preface that by saying it was a night that was both stormy and dark, but not a dark and stormy night as has been suggested amongst my clich├ęd pals. And, not at all windy, either. So, someone must have blown some dandruff off their black coat too near a transformer 'causing the great television calamity of 2007 (so much for premiere week).

I was forced to read by lantern light, next to the fire, while the rain pounded, which is, of course, the best possible scenario for consuming gripping tales of horror and mystery. However, I'm in a book club and we're meeting on Tuesday, so my choice of material was made for me. Not to say that Kate Atkinson's CASE HISTORIES isn't an awesome book, it is--In fact, as soon as I'm done typing this I'll be scurrying through the final 50 pages--It just wasn't the appropriate entertainment for such an event.

Which got me thinking.

What would be the perfect activities for such an evening? Should it occur again, I mean (a totally likely possibility as our power company is for shit and this is the Pacific Northwest and I don't know if you're aware, it kinda rains here).

I made a list.

1. Sex and/or masturbation for my single readers (duh? when is that not appropriate?).
2. Ghost stories (telling them, not reading them, or both, maybe).
3. Flashlight dog race (dual purpose: it tires them out, and is totally madcap).
4. Calling the electric company every five minutes (bugs them, fun for us).
5. Collapse into the despair of the truly bored.
6. Peep in neighbor's houses (tips: don't turn on a flashlight, and only peep the alcoholics. Remember: plausible deniability).
7. Last resort: murderous rampage (No guns please. Projectiles aren't nearly as scary as sharps, and I'm not ascared to criticize and shame the homicidal).

I hope you learned a lesson from what I've been through.

ps. If you did, could you share it? I don't even remember what I just wrote.
pps. The power came back on at 10:00