It Was a Night. Stormy. Dark.
The power went off last night at 7:00.
I should preface that by saying it was a night that was both stormy and dark, but not a dark and stormy night as has been suggested amongst my clichéd pals. And, not at all windy, either. So, someone must have blown some dandruff off their black coat too near a transformer 'causing the great television calamity of 2007 (so much for premiere week).
I was forced to read by lantern light, next to the fire, while the rain pounded, which is, of course, the best possible scenario for consuming gripping tales of horror and mystery. However, I'm in a book club and we're meeting on Tuesday, so my choice of material was made for me. Not to say that Kate Atkinson's CASE HISTORIES isn't an awesome book, it is--In fact, as soon as I'm done typing this I'll be scurrying through the final 50 pages--It just wasn't the appropriate entertainment for such an event.
Which got me thinking.
What would be the perfect activities for such an evening? Should it occur again, I mean (a totally likely possibility as our power company is for shit and this is the Pacific Northwest and I don't know if you're aware, it kinda rains here).
I made a list.
1. Sex and/or masturbation for my single readers (duh? when is that not appropriate?).
2. Ghost stories (telling them, not reading them, or both, maybe).
3. Flashlight dog race (dual purpose: it tires them out, and is totally madcap).
4. Calling the electric company every five minutes (bugs them, fun for us).
5. Collapse into the despair of the truly bored.
6. Peep in neighbor's houses (tips: don't turn on a flashlight, and only peep the alcoholics. Remember: plausible deniability).
7. Last resort: murderous rampage (No guns please. Projectiles aren't nearly as scary as sharps, and I'm not ascared to criticize and shame the homicidal).
I hope you learned a lesson from what I've been through.
ps. If you did, could you share it? I don't even remember what I just wrote.
pps. The power came back on at 10:00
I should preface that by saying it was a night that was both stormy and dark, but not a dark and stormy night as has been suggested amongst my clichéd pals. And, not at all windy, either. So, someone must have blown some dandruff off their black coat too near a transformer 'causing the great television calamity of 2007 (so much for premiere week).I was forced to read by lantern light, next to the fire, while the rain pounded, which is, of course, the best possible scenario for consuming gripping tales of horror and mystery. However, I'm in a book club and we're meeting on Tuesday, so my choice of material was made for me. Not to say that Kate Atkinson's CASE HISTORIES isn't an awesome book, it is--In fact, as soon as I'm done typing this I'll be scurrying through the final 50 pages--It just wasn't the appropriate entertainment for such an event.
Which got me thinking.
What would be the perfect activities for such an evening? Should it occur again, I mean (a totally likely possibility as our power company is for shit and this is the Pacific Northwest and I don't know if you're aware, it kinda rains here).
I made a list.
1. Sex and/or masturbation for my single readers (duh? when is that not appropriate?).
2. Ghost stories (telling them, not reading them, or both, maybe).
3. Flashlight dog race (dual purpose: it tires them out, and is totally madcap).
4. Calling the electric company every five minutes (bugs them, fun for us).
5. Collapse into the despair of the truly bored.
6. Peep in neighbor's houses (tips: don't turn on a flashlight, and only peep the alcoholics. Remember: plausible deniability).
7. Last resort: murderous rampage (No guns please. Projectiles aren't nearly as scary as sharps, and I'm not ascared to criticize and shame the homicidal).
I hope you learned a lesson from what I've been through.
ps. If you did, could you share it? I don't even remember what I just wrote.
pps. The power came back on at 10:00
Comments
1) Mix up a batch of Dark and Stormies (rum and ginger beer)
2) Place candle on top of manual typewriter and recreate how urban fantasy novelists wrote in days of yore.
3) Chop up random refrigerator contents, place on table and guess which internal organs they most feel like (yum-o, spleen-licious).
4) Devour everything in the freezer on a sliding scale of how fast it will go bad. Boycott raw pork.
5) Play the game "Scary Noises" as inspired by the 80s classic movie NIGHT OF THE COMET.
6) Try to take out your contacts using sparklers as the only light source.
7) Experient with alcohol to find which vodka makes the best accelerant based solely on the height of the flame.
8) Throw twenty rolls of Peppermint lifesavers into your mouth at once, chew vigorously and try to see how far you can shoot the resulting sparks of light.
9) Light a candle AND curse the darkness.
10) Eat the Dark chocolate.
Homework: write yours up and hang 'em on the fridge as part of your emergency plan.