The Trials of Our Lord (2007 Edition): Day One

Aw Yayah! The day has come my dear friends and the Grow Jesus experiment is in full swing. It even gave us reason to clean the bathtub, and we hate doing that--do you see what we do for you people? I say "we" because I have an assistant in this experiment, my lovely wife Caroline.

*round of applause*
*she bows*
then...
*gives the finger*

You might remember this guy...


That's right, it's your Lord and Savior (or some of yours)--please take note of the writer's hand, it has been miraculously freed from callous and is soft as baby ass.

Before Grow Jesus took the big dunk, comfortable and dry in my palm, I began to feel certain urges and couldn't resist a taste. Just a little one, nothing as sacreligious as a bite, or even a nibble. Body of Christ, and all. I guess you could say, I was compelled.

My review: Jesus is conspicuously bland. Much like the communion wafers on Christmas Eve (or any other Eve, I'd imagine). Maybe those Catholics modeled them after the true flavor.

Now...ON WITH THE TRIALS!!!

Here is the vessel...

The instructions called for room temperature water, so we had to figure that out, with a thermometer. It's a balmy 68 degrees, in case you're wondering.

I was hoping for enough room to display the nativity (empty manger, naturally), but sadly I was denied.

Plop...


We'll be measuring the progress in smiles. So check back frequently.