Emaciathon Begins!

I'm on my way people! On Tuesday, I started the monumentous task of shedding my childhood baby weight. It's only a few pounds or maybe just slightly more than that, or a lot. So here's the plan:

First off, no scale. F**k that scale. Yep, that one right there. Do you really need a scale to tell you your fat? I think some clues are:

a) the buckling around the shirt buttons.
b) waistband rollover.
c) belt curling.
d) you're fat.

Just a few clues. I'm sure you have your own.

Second, I went back on the only diet that I've been successful with, Atkins. I'll be feeding on, pretty much, meat and any vegetable that'll force out water weight (Asparagus, anyone? Don't mind the smell, it's quaint). It helps that I like bacon. Ask me in a few weeks whether I still like it, and I'll probably kill you for the lifesavers in your pocket (are they warm?).

Third, I'm exercising daily (Cardio, Weight training, Delusions). Lucky for me, I'm not doing this alone, my wife and a friend are doing the same things.

You have to have support to lose weight, just like when you gain wait. Particularly nowadays, when social gatherings seem to have the solitary goal of fattening up the crowd. If you're fat, I bet you've got friends that are, too. Look around, I'm not saying it's a conspiracy; I'm just sayin' you have support to stay fat. It's there.

So my goal is total emaciation by my pub date. I won't be happy until all you faithful readers show up at my signing to find me wheeling around an I.V. and slurping my dinner of a diet coke.

Comments

Karen Duvall said…
Hi, Mark! Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, by the way. 8^) And in reference to whole weight-loss challenge, been there, still there. Age = weight-gain.

Beware of Atkins, though. Can't say I've tried it, but I've heard that folks who do typically reboard the fat-wagon not long after losing the weight. But hey, Atkins would kill me. I'm a vegetarian so I can dis it. Snort

I'm not terribly over-weight, but your steps to fat-discovery resonate for me. I'm trying! I really am! And I agree, f**k the scale. And enroll in a kick-boxing class.

See you on the PM loop. And congrats on the upcoming book!

Karen aka Chalice
Mark said…
Hey. Thanks for swinging by. Just so you know, there's a ton of urban fantasy writers blogging over at Fangs, Fur, and Fey. Check it, Yo.
December/Stacia said…
I'm trying to lose, too. Mostly exercising, but also counting calories. It's the only thing that really worked for me. I actually enjoyed figuring out how to save calories so I could still have a cocktail after dinner. :-)

I've lost two pounds so far...
jes battis said…
Been trying to lose that elusive 15-20 lbs for the past two years. I may just start drinking Boost meal replacement shakes or sleeping for 18 hrs/day like my cat so that I don't eat so much.
Mark said…
Hey Stace, I like Jes's weight loss plan. Cat-like slumber equals Mmmmmm.
Rhona Westbrook said…
tee hee....you always make me laugh Mark!

I read this blog post out loud to some friends because they wanted to know why I was giggling like an idiot. We all love you boy!

Good luck!
Mark said…
Thanks Rhona. I'm down 6 pounds for the week, so I'm doing something right.