The End of Days!

Question: Who's still watching films ending in the word Movie?
Answer: Lots of you and I'm scared.

Epic Movie is number one at the box office, literally whores of people (do I mean hoardes?) took time off from their Mensa meetings to look at 75 minutes of sloshy bedpan, universally critcized as–get this–NOT funny. Duh! The first Scary Movie had some genuine laughs. The second: way fewer, but it had Chris Elliot molesting a turkey with his skeletal hand–so, forgiveable. The third: Unbearable! I'm talking suicidal thoughts, people. This is the point where the lesson should have been learned. But no, not so much, as it turns out.

Now I know people are masochists and we've bred generations of short term memory deficiencies, but come on! There's not a single laugh in the trailer, nor a sign of Anna Faris, anywhere. A movie so bad, even the PWT princess won't by in? It's like a sign from God, and I'm agnostic.

Let's make it stop here, with these simple steps:

1. Get down to the pay for play MRI, stat, and get that brain tumor identified; the life you save could be your own, maybe.
2. Commit to just one sarcastic phrase, per day–and mean it!
3. Don't be scareded: It's time to finish that pesky G.E.D. program.
4. Put down the crank, and pick up a dictionary.

If the above suggestions don't work: When Vacant Movie 8 comes out, and you really want to see it–please, I beg you–do something more constructive and stimulating like experimenting with autoerotic asphyxiation. Hell, you know what would be super funny? Just crank up that car in the old garage (door down, silly) and get to whackin'. No one's died from it or anything. I promise. Seriously, though that'll kill you. No, no it won't. Go ahead.


Joe said…
I don't get it either, at all. Spoof movies...cute for a while, that's enough now.

My friend wrote a script for a Michael Moore style docu spoof called SUPERSIZE MY FAHRENHEIT a few years ago, and that would've been genuinely funny. That's why it never got made.
Mark Henry said…
Genuine humor is over! Let's start a movement (I can feel it comin') toward fake humor; we'll process it and dip it in corn starch, to make it glossy and attractive. Everyone will kind of love it, or at least think they do. A monotone heh-heh will be the new genuine laughter.

They're stripping away humanity, and it's the Wayan's brother's fault!